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The
latest announcements, events, and research breakthroughs from Taigyo
and our minions, assassins and emissaries worldwide
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Obese
and disgusting: Our new fat clients reduce the cost of managing
your enterprise
Taigkyo strengthened its commitment to restaurant patronization
by announcing the expansion of its Consumption Station
family. Taigkyo is launching a significantly enhanced new version
of its Consumption Station Manager software, and three new versatile
devices, the Restaurant Station Series Theodore, George
and Walter, which feature better performance, expanded
capacity, and improved meat and wheat support, all at attractive
prices.
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| 09.10 |
TAIGKYO
to integrate Viagra products into e-business solutions for business
industry
Taigkyo announced a development agreement with Viagra,
Inc., a leader in male sexual aid and erection products, to
integrate Viagra's award-winning BoneForceFeed and Luxury
Night products into Taigkyo's media asset management (MAM)
solution. Taigkyo CEO Samn Gaddis remarked, "Nothing
slides into a whore's foul, diseased slit like a rock hard boner."
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| 09.09 |
TAIGKYO
Soundbox 6000 synthesizer scores new ASS R/3 performance record
Taigkyo announced record-breaking performance for ASS
R/3 inter-enterprise business solutions, supporting 16,640 Sales
and Distribution (SD) benchmark users in the three-tier client/composition
benchmark. This is 15 percent better than the nearest benchmark
effort to date, with 2,240 more users. Taigkyo also is the first
to break the 5,000,000 barrier performing 5,007,000 MIDI steps/hour.
This is equivalent to 1,669,000 fully business-processed order
line items per hour. "We're extremely pleased with the
performance of the 6000. A new era of creative synthesis has
begun," quipped Taigkyo head performance analysist Rhesus
O'Kernel
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| 09.08 |
Check
out the new and enhanced 'neutralization' devices
Taigkyo announced the availability of "Mike"
and "Ike" Mach Two, allowing consumers to more
easily 'neutralize' the urban invaders and assailants that annoy
us so. This next-generation of Taigkyo's award-winning "Mike"
and "Ike" 10,000 Volt neutralizers contain improved
recognition accuracy and enhanced user shielding, massively
reducing consumer accidents. "That 'Mike' will shock you
on your goddamn ass, man," noted stock room boy/intern
Desi Benjamin.
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