WW:Nothing.

MM:We practiced.

UA:So how was the first practice with the new drummer.

WW:Awesome.

MM:Great.

WW:I believe there's an exciting new future awaiting us. Change is inevitable. It's good. We don't care if people are disappointed they can't hear the same stupid song they never heard in the first place eighty more fucking times. Screw it, we're moving on. Life goes on....

UA:So do you have any new material written or are you going to write it as you go along?

MM:We're going to make it up as we go along.

WW:Yeah, no more songs. Songs are gay. Like, there's no reason to play songs. We know each other so well we can just improvise everything. Actually, when you saw us play, they weren't actual songs, they were a clever set of cues and knock-knock jokes we were stringing together to kind of make it seem like there were songs. Songs are old, the day of songs are over. Fake songs, like the ones we play, that's like the new shit.

UA:So you're gonna make up a bunch of new fake songs now?

WW:Yes. Fake songs, absolutely. We made up a fake song tonight as a matter of fact. Our first new fake song.

UA:So what's it called.

WW:It doesn't have a name yet. Marlon does a lot of drugs and then he just blurts out, like, "Hugo, Man of a Thousand Faces"...or whatever.

UA:Man of a thousand drugs.

MM:Yeah, we'll give it a fake name on a fake day.

UA:Like today.

MM:The fake fucking holiday for fake people.

WW:Yeah, I don't participate in favorite holidays, man. This shit's weak, it's old fashioned.

UA:You guys aren't very patriotic, you know.

WW:No. Well, gee, I wonder why? Oh, thank you America for starving me and kicking me in the head with your big smelly boots. Thanks a lot, I'm going to pledge allegiance to the flag on this special day. Thanks for allowing me to work for $5.50 an hour. Thanks America, you're great!

UA:So what the fuck is up with Chicago, do they just like the Bulls or what?

MM:It's the Bulls and post rock.

UA:And liberals, right?

MM:Liberals? I don't know how many liberals.

WW:Chicago is a large city with a small town mentality. It's very ass-backwards. Everything's, like, really conservative and everybody's knee-jerk and very reactionary here, like on every level. It's a bit repressed I think you'd say.

MM:Yeah, cautionary is the key word because everybody is so careful about everything, walking around on tip-toes and egg-shells.

WW:Very passive-aggressive too.

UA:A bunch of nasty wimps.

WW:I don't know, it's just everybody's really lame here. Like, the exciting No Wave scene is the only alternative to that but it's extremely unpopular, undocumented and unrewarded.

UA:So how many people are in the no wave scene, just you guys?

WW:No...the no wave scene, hmmm.....I don't know if we need to spill all the beans for a national publication like this. We don't want people coming in, co-opting the rock like they always do, you know. All the 14 year-old kids might move here thinking they're coming to some no wave mecca and they might be disappointed when all they can do is work for $5 and hour, you know, and live in a slum.

MM:It's happened before.

UA:Nah, they're getting turned on by that "Chicago Hope".

WW:The who?

UA:The telelvision show.

WW:What the fuck is that?

UA:Some piece of shit show.

WW:"Chicago Hope"?

UA:Well, before I came out to Chicago, like everytime I turned around I saw "Chicago" this and "Chicago" that, "Chicago Hope", "Chicago dope", "Chicago assholes", "Chicago No Wave", "Chicago Bulls"...

MM:The Chicago Dogs.

WW:The Chicago No Wave is an exiting...

UA:Weasel, since you coined the term "Chicago No Wave" why don't you go into a bit of the history of it.

WW:Aw, fuck that. Let me just say, it's true. But nobody likes this shit. Nobody likes this stuff when it's actually being made.

UA:They'll like it ten years from now when you're on MTV or something.

WW:Like when Thurston Moore's kid is a big rocker, some drum and bass wizard saying, "I was really influenced by the Chicago No Wave Scene. Where are they now?" and they go to me lying on a street corner eating a piece of dirt.

UA:No, you'll be opening up for him. You'll have the honor of opening up for him and bringing the no wave denizens out of the woodwork.

WW:...and we'll sound exactly like Depeche Mode, and people'll be like, "They sound exactly like Depeche Mode. What's going on?!"

UA:So the "no" in no wave stands for "no future"?

WW:Well, you know what the dictionary term for no wave is, right, Greg?

UA:No.

WW:Do you want me to tell you?

UA:What's the Chicago version of it? Cuz I know the New York one and it's not very interesting.

WW:Well, the term "no wave", just so you know, it's fucking weird punk rock. I mean, the premise of no wave originally was that punk rock was just good ol' rock and roll and if you like good ol' rock and roll like me, then there's no problem with that but it's basically just pretentious arty noise rock, which I think, if you think about it, if you put "Chicago" in front of it, you've got your answer.

UA:So you're saying you're pretentious arty noise rock then?

WW:Yeah, I think the term "neo-no wave" is pretty stupid. That's like saying if a band plays a rock song, they're "neo rock". You know, there is more than one rock band, yet there are certainly more than four bands with an attitude of tunelessness and cacophony. We're not reviving no wave. We are not imitating no wave. We're just playing what we play and it seems like if people need to be told to like what's good [by utilizing a simple term], we'll give them an excuse to like it right now as opposed to twenty years [later] when Lester Bangs' big toenail tells them it was important and everybody missed it.The whole thing behind the no wave is, "Yeah, whatever", a stupid, like, "We're post rock" or whatever, you know.

MM:I almost joined the ska revival but Weasel talked me into joining the no wave revival!

UA:Ska is starvation. You're already starving but that's taking a step down to the grave.

WW:I'm into "Skanilingus".

UA:What's that?

WW:Oh, I think you know. I've seen your collection of magazines in your suitcase.

UA:I don't have anything to do with "ska" in my household, and if I did, I'd smash it and tear it apart.

WW:I know somebody with a lot of Madness records, and she is gonna get it one of these days... Ska is definitely low on our priority of rock, that's for sure.

UA:So you're not emulating New York No Wave, you're just doing a new version via Chicago.

WW:Well, no, we're just playing Lake Of Dracula music.

UA:You're not even thinking about it then, you just had to come up with a genre tag word that the critics and journalists can throw on you that you can stomach at least, right?

WW:Uh, that's a good way of saying it. This is not a bandwagon that I've jumped on, you know. I can play you tapes of my band in 10th grade playing no wave -- playing this sort of, "can't play my guitar" rock shit. and, like, listening to the Contortions and thinking, like, "This is my music!" etcetera and so on. It's like, fuck, unfortunately we live in a culture where most people need an excuse to like something. If it doesn't fit into their cachet of musical influences or it's not directly related to something else that's already through "the door", they just won't even bother. So, for the two fucking people who care about no wave in the first place, we're just taking a shortcut saying, "Uh, you might like this." It's not as if we're gonna be rich calling ourselves no wave; because it died, it sunk without a trace because the premise of no wave for me, the parameters are so wishy-washy, so oblique. It doesn't denote any particular sound. You know, it's an attitude music, a nihilistic attitude towards making stuff.

UA:Why don't you call yourselves "nothing wave" or "not wave" or something?

MM:"Knot wave" with a 'K'.

UA:Yeah, so you can hang yourselves.

WW:Sure Greg. Start the critics tagging us with a new name.

UA:Yeah, it'll be a competition and whoever wins will get a butt in the head from Weasel.

WW:I'd give them a butt from a butt. They can have anything they want. They can have "Hair Hair".

UA:So are you considered the only no wave band there or what?

MM:There's another band called Monitor Radio who are pretty no wave.

WW:I don't know, I'd consider U.S. Maple a classic no wave band. I would consider the Flying Luttenbachers a classic no wave band. I used to consider The Scissor Girls one of them but now they're defunct. Gosh, there's been tiny little bands that sorta sunk without a trace.

MM:Weasel, you were the first one to call Couch "no wave".

WW:Oh, well, Couch is totally no wave. If you look at these bands and you look at what they're doing, they fit the definition and I have no problem saying it's not about trying to fit into the definition -- it's just that the shit is [no wave].

UA:You're not the "Duke of New York", but the "Duke of No Wave".

WW:I guess so. It's my thing. I like Satanic death metal, too.

MM:Are you trying to revive Satanic death metal?

WW:NO.

UA:You can't because Deicide is still around.

WW:Right.

MM:[Contortions leader] James Chance is still around too.

WW:Yeah, what a pathetic corpse that guy is. It's too bad. He plays saxophone pretty well still, but man...

UA:Yeah, but so does the President.
WW:Yeah, so does [Bruce Springsteen side kick] Clarence Clemons. Maybe we can get James Chance and Clarence Clemons to do a series of ballads or something. That'd be cool -- a Chet Baker kind of thing. (laughs)

UA:Yeah, they can do it at the next inauguration.

WW:Yeah. No, actually James Chance is really good. I'd like to hear him make a free jazz record but I'm afraid he'll be sitting in his room at his parent's house doing an I-V instead.

UA:Why bother? Just do superfast death metal and that'll be his attempt at free jazz.

WW:Well, that's why I play in a death metal band [Hatewave].

UA:Well, the sad thing about that shit is, none of those death metal guys got any respect, so then some decided to get respect by adding jazzy parts to get attention. That was a big mistake, they should've just gone on 'til the metal end of time. They think jazz music would give them respect, but that's wrong.

WW:Well, that's always the death of a band creatively when they start actually giving a shit about whether or not if they do something, twelve more people will like it. Jesus Christ -- who gives a fuck! Like, nobody at this point in time is gonna get paid to do this so they might as well give that shit up. I don't think the no wave scene gets much groupie action. There's no blowjobs for the no wave crew.

UA:There are no groupies in noise rock either.

WW:Yeah, there you go, man.

UA:So what the fuck are we doing it for?

MM:The sonic pleasure of inflicting pain on other people.

WW:I don't know man. There's no point to life. This [music] is a silly human construct that we go through that makes it worthwhile to get out of bed the next day. Other than that, there ain't much more to look forward to other than thinking that you might be able to do something that's fulfilling to you with this pathetic amount of time that you're probably allotted on the face of this earth before some jack-off runs you over with his car.

UA:I must be a closet masochist because I took pleasure in what I saw of Lake Of Dracula.

WW:Could be, I don't know. To me, Lake Of Dracula is the kind of music and the kind of show that I would like to see and that's why I make it. I think we've gotten a good reaction with this band and it's the first band [I've been in] that's gotten a good reaction from the general audience. There aren't a lot of bands at this time offering anything...The thing about punk rock at this point in time is that it fucking sucks. It's stupid.

MM:It's a bunch of retarded jocks.

WW:I mean please: can we have some more hardcore? Who cares. And emo is the worst, trying to pretend that every little strum is making them freak out like they're having a root canal.
UA:It's like this lame p.c. "don't cut down a tree" shit.

MM:And then you got bands that rock out like a bunch of Fonzies playing garage rock with their Hot Wheels sets.

UA:Yeah, that's so gay, with their tattoos and slicked back hair.

MM:Yeah.

WW:People are scared to rock in America. Except for the obvious things, like a death metal band. They might be able to deliver sonically, but there's no fucking show and you kinda know what you're gonna get. There aren't many[death metal] bands that I know that aren't really delivering a good solid kick in the head. The reason why things turn out in a band like Lake Of Dracula the way it does is that we're playing the kind of shit that we would want to see or we would want to hear and like, what other reason is there?

UA:Right. Like when I came out there, there was nothing musically interesting anymore in the tri-state malaise around here. Everything seems completely contrived or you've seen it before but you're definitely delivering the goods, from my perspective.

WW:Thank you.

MM:Thanks.

WW:It's nice to have people go "Wow"... that's just what the problem is with this "Post Rock" thing that, like, rock and roll is bankrupt...I'm sorry, it's not the machine, it's the people driving the fucking machine. If they're licensed at K-Mart, they're not gonna rock. They can't and it's not gonna happen. Rock is not dead - we're talking about Rock with a big 'r' because I think this band is very anti-"Rock and Roll" - but you know, I'm just saying, like, I'm a frustrated person, I want something visceral, like, I wanna be grabbed by shoulders and be fucking shaken until my dentures fall out [by music].

MM:Yeah. So much music seems to want to soothe people. People wanna be soothed when they come home from work after a hard day. People wanna be soothed with their lounge music and their post rock and cuddle up with their pop and be soothed to sleep. They wanna forget about their problems, they wanna feel like they're in a cocktail lounge where there are no problems. We wanna show people that we're still gonna have these problems and revel in it and enjoy it in spite of the fact that we live in a shitty world, you can still have life - have a pulse. Kick some heads and have some fun.

WW:I'm very frustrated with this society and how it works. The way people treat each other and the fact that, I can't even see a year into the future. I don't want to be romantic, but there just seems like there's nothing to look forward to. I know a lot of people who have just given up cuz they see there's no light at the end of the tunnel. It's like, I'm fucking mad, I don't want to lay down and let this truck drive over my head. I'm gonna fight. To me, it's sad. If people can't relate to the music, they can't relate to the same things we're feeling, which is: we're mad as fuck and wanna fuck shit up.

UA:Yeah, that's the way I felt. I wanted to smash everyone in the face and vibrate right off the fucking planet.

WW:Have you heard the record yet?

UA:No.

WW:Because I'm wondering how...

UA:Is it anything like the live show.

WW:I don't know. That's what I was going to ask you. I'm not sure, man. I'm not sure that the record comes across the same way that the live show comes across. I'm almost sure it doesn't.

UA:I don't think it ever will. I don't have any false expectations. That's a different arena, the record.

WW:Our live 7" comes across as total chaos. "The Manhattanite" is on that one. You didn't see "The Manhattanite".

UA:Who is that?

WW:Oh boy. Now you're just going to have to trust me on this... you're just going to have to humor me for a few minutes here. "The Manhattanite" is an interstellar demon that, for some reason, randomly appears and tries to destroy us. "The Manhattanite" is just a name we gave him because we thought it was cute. (Static sounds.)

UA:There he is!

"The Manhattanite".